Tag Archives: Costumes

Ode to the Slutty Halloween Costume

24 Oct

Halloween is a pretty stressful holiday. Why? It’s not because you’re stressing about the act of wearing a costume (Because duh, you should. Only un-fun people refuse to dress-up). It’s over what (or who) you should dress up as. Should your costume be slutty or tasteful? Scary or stupid? Let’s be real – for most girls, slutty prevails. Thus, we arrive at the question even more puzzling than why Justin Timberlake didn’t pick me: What is the appeal of the slutty Halloween costume?

Ooooo! (raising my hand reeeeeally high). I can answer that. I am the queen of the slutty Halloween costume. When will I grow out of this stage? Hopefully never.

This year, like many years prior, it’s truly a struggle of mind-over-matter. When am I too old to wear the slutty Halloween costume? Haven’t I worn enough slutty costumes over the years? Hmm. Like the Ghost of Christmas past yields to the meanness of Ebenezer Scrooge, the Ghost of Halloweens past wants to take you on a journey of  Kerry’s costumes of yesteryear…

19-Year-Old-College-Freshman Kerry: A Naughty Schoolgirl. Wait, stop right there – before you judge: in 2002, this costume was still hot and original. My then-roommate french braided my hair and I rocked a Limited Two pleated skirt (two sizes too small), a crop top, and white knee-highs. However, that doesn’t leave blogger walls…I’m pretty sure I told my mom I was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, instead.

20-Year-Old-Broke Kerry: A Black Cat. Spandex, ears, tail, and a nose. I’m pretty sure my costume cost less than $10. That was the year I got into my only-ever verbal spat with a chick. She was hogging the beer pong table. No bueno. Meeeeow.

21-Year-Old-I-Can-Legally-Drink Kerry: A Fairy Godmother. I walked around a frat party in my senior prom dress and held a wand. When cute boys approached, I tapped them with my wand and batted my eyelashes. This action made my wish come true: Friday night dates lined up for at least a month. Ah, to be young again.

25-Year-Old-in-the-Desert Kerry: Tinkerbell. What is up with me and fairy things? Covered in way too much glitter, this costume was slutty in a simplistic way. Tights, strappy dress, heels…wow, I was losing my touch. Boooring. Hey, I was living in Arizona. It was too hot to think.

28-Year-Old-Newly-Single-Back-in-the-Game Kerry: Varsity Cheerleader. I actually tried to bad-ass up this costume. My friend and I were “rival” cheerleaders (I on the blue team, she on the red). However, the skirt was short enough for scandal. I made sure of it.

29-Year-Old-and-Living-It-Up-Before-30 Kerry: A Cop. My sluttiest costume to-date. I don’t want to give too much away before the big reveal, but let’s just say one of my best friends is going to be “jailbait” just so my costume won’t look so ridiculously standout. That’s love right there.

At this point in the story, newly epiphanic Scrooge would head back to the real world, pack up his money, and start dishing out some serious gifts. If I chose to parallel, it’s at this point my subconscious is supposed to say, “Hey lady, grow up. You’re a professional member of society, an award-winning marketer, and a respected teacher. You need to start Grandma-ing up your chosen October digs. It’s time. Let it go.”

Sorry, Ghost. You got nothing on me. I choose to fight the system.

The reality is, a slutty Halloween costume has no reflection on your real-life personal taste, personality, or professionalism. Additionally – contrary to popular belief – a slutty costume does not automatically imply you are throwing out the “I want attention” card. Wearing a slutty Halloween costume can give a woman the opportunity to feel sexy and confident (Yes, it’s true – sometimes we really like wearing next-to-nothing to feel this way). Further, it can give a women the once-a-year opportunity to dress without judgement. Who cares if the costume looks like a nightie? Maybe she’s always wanted to wear a nightie outdoors. All the power to you, sister. Halloween allows her that freedom.

I am a proud advocate of the slutty Halloween costume. I don’t see myself growing out of this mantra anytime soon. Do you respect me less? Think I’m less intelligent? Feel sad because my costumes are a cry for attention?

I didn’t think so. Like many other women who sluttify their outfits around October 31st, I’m just playing dress-up.

Author’s Note: If you are reading this blog post and wear your slutty Halloween costume throughout the year…Goodnight and good luck.