Archive | September, 2012

Pressing Delete

29 Sep

It only takes one to set you straight, or so they saying goes. Everyone (who knows me) knows I’m a serial monogamist. I’ve been in long relationships for the past 15 years with three different men, all whom I loved in different ways. There was my high school sweetheart (He married my college roommate and, at the time, best friend. I wish them both well). Then my college boyfriend (We remain really good friends. His girlfriend of over three years is adorable and perfect for him). Then there’s the third, the one who set me straight.

Last August, with no warning, I had my heart broken into a million pieces. Although time heals all wounds, the residual effects of this breakup remain, and not in the way you may think. I don’t want him back, nor do I think about him much (When I do, I actually hope he’s happy and well). Instead, it’s the fear of moving on. If I move on, that means I have to meet someone new, and thus, this kind of hurt could happen all over again.

Post-breakup, in the game of packing up and returning each other’s items, he was the mature one. He only returned the meaningless things (toothbrushes, clothing, etc). I, on the other hand, was too angry to think rationally. I returned everything – from cards to photos – just so I could pretend our relationship never existed (P.S. – this strategy was a complete failure. I don’t recommend it).

Enter the folder on my desktop, the folder with every mobile, scanned, and uploaded picture of us. I never deleted it.

Trust me, I’ve wanted to. Why keep it? What’s the point? For rainy days?  You have no idea how many times my cursor rolled over the folder, just waiting for me to click. I always chickened out.

That folder, and the implications of not deleting it, is scary. It implies I want to remember all the good things and none of the bad. It also implies that my heart isn’t healed enough to let anyone else in. More so, it’s validation of how happy I am in relationships and how incomplete I feel when I’m not in one. I’ve played the “role” of girlfriend for half my life. Transitioning to single life wasn’t exactly comfortable.

The reality is, I need to get comfortable. I need to move on and realize the one that set me straight doesn’t set the tone for the future relationships. I need to stop being afraid of rejection and go for it. I need to relax and realize the man I’m suppose to be with is out there somewhere, waiting for me to arrive. That man wasn’t him. In this, I need to look at my last relationship as a learning experience, and not in a bad way. Learning means growing and growing means letting go.

I finally pressed delete.

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It’s My Party…and I’ll *Insert Verb Here* If I Want To

23 Sep

What is it about planning birthday parties in your late 20s that’s so different from your younger days? Wait, I know, it’s the anxiety.

Last night I had a birthday party to celebrate my last year of 20-something. I had a fabulous time with some amazing friends. I actually haven’t gone to sleep yet and am still tasting some ill-fated bday shots. In other words, it’s a perfect time to write about how planning is overrated.

I’m a planner by nature. Life makes me nervous if there isn’t a check-list involved. I also hate surprises, so not knowing what’s going to happen next (or who is involved) also makes me jumpy. Enter my birthday party. Three weeks ago, bar picked out and outfit options swimming in my head, I sent out a Facebook invitation to approximately 50 of my closest friends. As I anxiously awaited RSVPs, I was so excited about the “party potential,” you’d think I was 10 awaiting Jonathan Taylor Thomas’s autograph (Don’t judge me. He was a hot piece of teen butt back in the day).

The difference? I’m not ten, and none of my friends are either.

The reality is, a birthday in your late 20s needs as much planning as heating up a Pop-Tart. Unless you are making some super fancy dinner reservations, you should be spending 20 minutes max on the whole process. What have I learned this year about planning birthdays? Let me count the ways.

1. Facebook invites are stupid. About 5 percent of people respond to them and even when they do, it’s not an accurate predictor if they will actually show up.

2. Your birthday is not a national holiday, therefore, you can’t get upset when some of your bffs are a no-show at the last-minute. They love you. They wish they were there. Life got in the way. Get over it.

3. The best decorations for a house party are bought at the last-minute, and usually for less than $1 (my roommates are amazing).

4. Don’t stress about entertaining – a kick-ass music playlist and immature college drinking games do the trick, no matter how old you are.

5. Post-party, head to the nearest pizza place. Pizza is not only simply delicious, but grabbing a slice provides ample opportunity to recap the evening with friends. Not to mention, the more pizza you eat between the hours of 1 – 5 a.m., the less of a hangover you’ll have when you wake up (Well, unless you’re me. Then no amount of pizza can help you).  

6. Don’t plan your outfit in advance. The reality is, you’ll switch it 20x before you go out anyway.

7. Picking the hottest bar in town means you will be glued to your phone the entire evening. Why? Because you’ll be getting calls and text messages from friends who can’t find you, can’t get in, got kicked out, etc. So not worth it.

8. Know some of your friends are going to hook up with each other. You cannot prevent this, no matter what Battleship-like strategy you put into place.

9. Taking pictures is super fun, but saying “Oh my GOD, we SO need to get a picture of this!” over and over is lame (I would know, I do this).

10. Quit worrying if everyone will (or did have) fun. When you’re this old, the fun-factor doesn’t stem from who got the best goodie bag or who got the largest piece of cake. Instead, it comes from great conversation and making memories to last until your next birthday.

The Inability to “Do Me”

19 Sep

I’ll admit it: I’m pretty bummed MTV’s Jersey Shore is going off the air. Not because I’m super in love with the show, but because the show yielded some pop culture doozies. All the hairspray…gym action…fake tanning…seriously, nothing can compare. The Jersey Shore-isms are pretty amazing too. Who doesn’t have “meatball problems” or wants to yell “the cabs are here”? Admit it – Snookie and the gang put a lot of phrases in our vocabulary that would otherwise be nonexistent.

The Jersey-ism that fascinates me the most is the idea of “doing me.” Sure, everyone says it, but when you take out the dirty innuendo, what does it mean? According to Urban Dictionary, the phrase means “do what you feel is best for you,” without caring what other people think. As any Jersey Shore fan can attest, this repeated mantra was well-played out throughout the seasons. At the end of the day, each cast member did what was best for them…and apologized (or didn’t) later.

I want to be like that…or do I?

Before writing this post, I soul-searched for a good 48 hours. At almost 29, can I “do me?” I should be able to…right? At this point in my life, I should care less about what other people think and more about me, myself, and I. I should be able to say “Kerry first” with confidence and vigor. I should be able to make decisions and not worry about hurting other people’s feelings. I should be able to make mistakes and not be so hard on myself. I should be able to take risks without fear. 

Yes, I absolutely have the ability to “do me.”

…Pssst. Guess what?  I may have the ability, but I truly suck at “doing me.”

Why? Because, simply, I don’t like the idea of “doing me.” Hell, most of the time I don’t even know what’s best for me. Thinking I’m doing what’s best for me usually gets me in trouble (Examples: I still can’t look at my NYE 2012 dress without blushing. Nor can I drink birthday cake vodka. Nor can I talk to a boy I like without turning into an awkward 7th grader…the list goes on).

In your late 20’s, people say you get comfy in your own skin. I agree. It wasn’t until last year I finally started taking risks, making mistakes, and learning from every experience. However, through it all, I never once disregarded the feelings of others or put myself first. In this, I burned no bridges or lost any friends. In fact, my experiences brought me closer to my friends and family. This being said, I don’t care how many people tell me it’s time to put myself first. I don’t have the ability, and that’s OK.

That’s how I “do me.” What’s up, Sammi Sweetheart.

To Group…Or Not to Group…That is the Question

14 Sep

A few months back, after seeing a few pretty amazing couples start out online, I dabbled into Match.com and OKCupid. I’ll be honest – neither are for me. I was completely overwhelmed and freaked out by the amount of “What’s up hottie?” messages and half-naked photos. I also am not patient enough to weed through potential contenders on my own (which, truly, is the name of the game). This being said, I’m sure I’ll pop back on at some point, but for now, I’m trying to date on the organic front, and in different ways than simply meeting Mr. Wrong at a bar (Legit – as we all know – I have a thing for bartenders. Womp Womp).

Enter Grouper. This sounded way too interesting not to try. Essentially, the person who has the Grouper account is matched with someone who also wants to hang and shares interests/background (Education, activities, ect. From what I understand, they conduct a healthy Facebook stalking to match you with peeps). The paired people each bring two friends on the Grouper. Basically, you’re on a three-way blind date. The cost is $20 per person. This covers your first drink at the Grouper meet-up location (Grouper sends you the location the day before).

Last night brought me to the Lower East Side where myself (and two others) were to meet three dudes. I’ll admit, I was nervous. As outgoing as I am, I’m not a huge fan of the “getting to know you” game, nor the awkwardness of trying to be myself when (obvi) you are trying to be a better version of yourself (which never works…you just end up laughing a little too loud and making spotty eye contact).

The experience was interesting. If there isn’t instant, obvious chemistry between any two people from either side, it’s hard to tell whether “he/she is into you” or if you are simply making new friends. The more cocktails served, the more the conversation turns to why everyone is “really” here and who-just-got-out-of-what-relationship. There was a little dancing (Note: the bar was not appropriate for dancing, but the tunes were amazeballs, so we made the boys get up). There was also a little “Hey, you should come to a friend’s party soon.” However, let’s be real – we will never see those guys again. Am I disappointed? No way. I had a great time. It’s a good story to share and I’m super proud of myself for going in the first place. Plus, you never know – even if I don’t connect with anyone on future Groupers, they may have a friend who knows someone, etc. At the end of the day, it’s more practice dating and right now, that’s exactly what I need.

P.S. Props for paying last night boys…regardless of the lack of romantic connection, that move was well-played and appreciated.

Holiday Survival…in September

12 Sep

 Welcome to my blog! Finally, all my sarcasm and randomness will be in one place. The world thanks me.

A little about yours truly: Marketer by day. Teacher by night. A ball-o-fun all the time. Over a year ago, I found myself at a crossroads – Newly single, insanely heartbroken, straight out of grad school and not a clue what to do with myself. So, I did what any single gal in NYC would do – go out, have fun, and get yourself into reasonable amounts of good-natured trouble.

In the past year, I’ve learned a lot. However, one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that balance in life is key. Work hard, play hard and share your adventures along the way, no matter how ridiculous. If you can make others laugh through your own experiences, then you are more of an influencer than you thought. Cheers. 

For my first entry, I can’t think of anything better than sharing a recent comment I wrote to Glamour Magazine. They were asking readers how to survive the holidays in regards to food, relatives, stressful parties and exercise. My answers can be found below:

1. Decadent Food: Consider it research for next holiday. How will you know what to eat next year if you don’t try it this year? Duh. 2. Nosy Relatives: Yes, I’m still single. Why? Because why would I ever want to avoid these super fun questions about my inability to find my soulmate and procreate? 3. Stressful Parties: Break out the limbo bar. You can’t be stressed at a party with a limbo bar. 4. Dipping chips can be considered finger exercise. I swear, it counts.

Have a great Tuesday.

Hello world!

11 Sep

Welcome to WordPress.com! This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

Happy blogging!